The day my eyes opened, I realized I wasn’t living life for myself. I lived it for three husbands, a few lovers, and a few rescues I should never have gotten tangled up with.
I walked down the highway, in the dark. Headlights of a semi bearing down, honest to God. Blood dripping from my hand, and I thought “Bitch, what the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of the road! Nobody’s worth that.” I can’t keep taking the meds that made me a mechanical human. Get up, go to work, no questions asked, make people happy, don’t ask why, never ask why, just do what I’m supposed to. The medicine makes you numb, you feel miserable about yourself. You are antisocial, you are only worth what they say you’re worth, because of what you do for them. I called myself a bitch so I could realize that it is exactly what I was being, everyone’s bitch. This pill makes me numb but I stop eating, that one makes my tummy stop hurting, another one makes me run when I eat what I’m not supposed to.
I’m done doing what everybody else thinks I’m supposed to. I’m finished being a door stop!
I am me, there is not another like me! So what’s so wrong with me?
People in general want what they want! Most times they’ll do what ever it takes to get what they want! No matter if you want it too! People in general will manipulate you to get what they want too! What about what I want? Doesn’t it matter! It took me years to realize that I can say NO! Not everyone will like me! Not everyone has to like me! That’s okay!
Im not everyone’s cup of Tea! Some like hot tea, some like it cold! Me I like it with a little touch of Raspberry on ice! Some people don’t like tea at all!
The night I walked down the road in tears, is the beginning of my life outside of the box! The start of a life that was handed to me! Because my old life had been so abruptly taken away! Overnight my life went from what you would call normal to a life most people turn their nose up to! I’m a survivor, a night walker a beautiful lady that stands tall! Well as tall as I can in my 5 foot 4inch stature!
I’m hoping that my story might help others to see, see that women like me are amazing people too! I’m just unique in my ways and special to boot! I will survive and rise above again! I am like the Phoenix! Burnt alive to fly out of the ashes of doom as a beautiful new creature to start a again!