Living my own terms!

Question: why can’t I just live on my own terms? Why do I have to live yours too? Why are my terms wrong and yours correct? Why do I have to make you happy, why can’t I be happy to? We try to make other people do what we want them to do. Why do we do that?
For years I will manipulated my words to make them work for me and I realize that that was so stupid why do I have to have someone else opinion. If you like I do I like it it makes me happy I never feel guilty I never feel bad about myself. When I feel bad about myself, it’s ysyally because I’ve alliwed someone else opinion of me matter!
Now do you see what I’m talking about? I would never feel guilty if I didn’t allow what you think to matter. So on my own terms I cannot allow you to create a reaction that you desire, it causes my mind pain!

I’m going back to the start so I take it began to her. I was very sick little girl I threw up a lot I screamed in pain at night. Begging for my mom to come and rub my back I rub my hand rub my feet, because they hurt so very much! They ran tests and more tests! They come back to say, we can’t figure out what’s wrong with her! She has a sensitive stomach, sensitive skin! Don’t do this , don’t do that!
Don’t let her cry so much, make her learn! Shut that kid up or I’ll toss her out! I love throw her out of the speed boat in the middle of the seaweed pit! Let it tangle around her legs and pull her under! Is it a trick?
Your mind creates demons, that say you are bad! Those thoughts race through your brain over and over again! Your demons can make You very very sick!
My body knew that I couldn’t defend myself, to the things that were happening! I didn’t have the words yet, I didn’t know if this was right or wrong I couldn’t compare something that I knew nothing about! Aren’t we supposed to be thrown out of moving things? It didn’t feel right, but I better not ask! Because it was what made him happy! So my body started to tell, by making me sick and demanding attention! I threw up everything, they started calling me Stinky Poo! No one bothered to go from there! Give me pills and shut me up! Shut up or you’ll feel the sting!