A lot of time in my life has been spent with regret. I wished I would’ve done this but I wish I could’ve done that. I always wondered why life was so hard, I looked around and it didn’t seem quite as bad for some, at least not like it was for me. I learned at an early age to never tell! Never tell anyone anything. Keep your mouth shut and children aren’t supposed to be heard, only seen! You’re opinion wasn’t wanted and your thoughts never mattered! Just shut the fuck up and get in the corner! I had a very vivid imagination about crazy things all around. At night I would see things float around my room like ghosts and goblins in all kinds of goons! One time I think I might have saw a baboon! Lol
I asked and wondered what it would be like to have a mom and dad that never had to fight. I watched as she became week and no longer had a voice she didn’t stand up for herself or us, I wondered if she had a choice. We all have choices, yes we do we make good ones and bad ones, some make us happy, some make us blue!
And all reality we all know what is true! It’s true that everything in our life makes us who we are I’ve become to understand that so much better as I ride around in the car!
These feet of mine, have stood their time, we’ve walked thousands of miles together, you and I!
We walked until we could no more! Oh poor little feet of mine are sore! Experience comes when knowledge is had!
I spent the first part of my life doing whatever everybody else wanted me to do. I’ve been called selfish, but I look back, and people I thought were my friends left me doubting myself. People can do that to you, if you let them. Selfish people call you selfish. So one day, something changed in my mind. I realized that some people will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want. And they will do whatever they want.
There are certain people who I let get too close to me, because I didn’t know better. Each one of them are master manipulators. I don’t know if it’s genetics, how we are raised, or if some people are just evil.
Experiencing these people has allowed me to open up my mind. I now think, for once, this is bullshit. Why are you making everyone else happy, instead of making yourself happy? I worked myself sick, just to give someone else something they wanted, that they didn’t have. Why didn’t I take myself out to dinner? Why didn’t I go have a mani/pedi when I wanted. Maybe I needed to become a little of what I was being accused of by the narcissists.